Unstable
by Delillium
Summary: Is he unstable? Or is he being drugged? He wishes it was all just a nightmare. Tony has received some recent accusations of drug use and not hard to see why with random black outs and unstable behavior. Truth is, he's not sure what's happening to him. Pushing away the ones closest to him, it's obvious he's not only dealing with his most recent problem, but some past demons as well
1. Black Out

**_1_**

* * *

_Women to the left of me...and women to the right..' _

His eyelids shot open.

Had he..blacked out...again?

Road zipped passed him and a car's horn echoed in his ears, but colors blurred, his hand swerved the steering wheel to the right.

He touched the skin with his hand right below his nose and all the sudden his hand was gripping the wheel again, but his fingertips felt slick against the leather material.

His body was faster than his brain could comprehend.

He raised his fingers to his eyes.

Red.

Another horn blared in his ears and he swerved to the right again.

His eyelids shot open a second time.

The black outs were becoming more frequent, but he couldn't stop, not now. Not when there was so much at stake.

What was at stake?

Double vision handicapped him from reading his speed, but he put a guess at a hundred or maybe more.

"Stark? Stark, do you read me?"

His heart beat throttled his neck and flirted with the headache blooming from his temple, but the voice was familiar somewhere deep in his brain, he tried to rack a face to fit the voice.

It sounded worried, perhaps even panicked.

Where was it even coming from?

His eyes couldn't settle on an object and he took a shaky breath.

The sound of the crash registered before the impact really did.

The car crushed on impact, he felt the metal tear through him, but the music was still playing, the voice was still screaming but it was growing fainter and fainter still.

His vision suddenly became one, just before everything flashed white and then black.

Then everything was gone.


	2. Seventh Seal

**2**

* * *

His father had a dream once. His father had many dreams, and among just a few were world peace, world collaboration through the use of every countries best scientists, and that Tony would never attempt to put himself in the public eye without him being there to supervise.

Tony saw that only one of those dreams came true, and at the time it seemed the most impossible for any one to achieve. But in reality, they were closer still to achieving the second one then they ever would be the last one.

Because now, lying in a hospital bed with absolutely no memory of the events that had landed him here, he wished his dad was still here to babysit him, and that's something he thought he'd never say.

His mind was still spinning. Where was the team, were they worse off than him? He couldn't imagine so, or at least he tried not to imagine so. If they were any worse than him, they might would be...

He shook his head and closed his eyes shut, fighting off the pain that the painkillers wouldn't.

He was sore in every mentionable place on his body, but he hadn't taken time to assess the damage quite yet.

The door opened slowly and Tony's eyes darted towards it.

It was presumably his doctor, who wore a fake grin with white, almost blue-white, teeth. His hair was cut into a boy scout cut and he shook his head jokingly.

"Mr. Stark, how're we feeling?"

"I don't know how you're feeling. I know that I have a splitting headache and want to know what the hell happened to me, what hospital I'm in, and where the rest of the Avengers are."

The doctor's smile faded and he sighed.

Tony took this for bad news and his heart begun to race, "What happened to them? Tell me."

The doctor, discovering his panic, shook his hands and smiled, "No, no. nothing's gone wrong. I'm just sorry to hear the pain killers aren't treating you well. I apologize, we'll pump something stronger into you quick." he snapped his finger and winked, "But, uh, what happened, Mr. Stark...Well, it appeared to us you crashed directly into the side of a semi, and from that skid into the tunnel walls. Your rear crashed into the wall and another car, unable to stop, hit you in the side, luckily they hit you on the passenger side, otherwise, you may not have lived."

Tony was silent and unresponsive for a minute before he looked back up, "Where are the others?"

"Waiting to see you. I didn't want them disturbing any sleep you got, you've come out of a major surgery with very minimal damage surprisingly. There was a metal rod in you shoulder, luckily it wasn't as deep or damaging to the surrounding tissues as we thought. You've come out of this very lucky you know."

"Can you let the others in?"

There was something about hearing and believing for Tony, if he couldn't see they weren't dead and they would provide the same story to him as he just fed him, he'd believe it. Without proof, he would deny it until the day he died.

"Sure, one last thing, I'm Dr. Larson if you need anything. I'll just go grab your personal belongings they salvaged from the crash. All charges against you have been dropped but I believe an officer will be seeing you later about it. Now, which friend would you like to see?"

"All of them."

"I'm afraid that at your state, our hospital has a strict one at a tim-."

Tony cut him off mid sentence with a snarl, "Look, you go bring them all in and I promise not to self mutilate and sue you for malpractice. Do you really want to join that rodeo with Stark Industries and Iron Man?"

The doctor swallowed and smiled nervously. " I've always thought that rule was.._.unnecessary_."

He left in a flurry of white coat-tails and the door closed quietly behind him. Tony stared at the door.

What had happened to him? He'd been in a total of three car accidents his entire life, and all of them he remembered. It was a wonder how he'd never gotten into an accident while _'under the influence' _but of course, Pepper had always been there, and if she couldn't get to him, JARVIS always called a taxi while giving a monotone lecture that he knew he wouldn't remember in the morning.

He couldn't have been drunk. Did he just have amnesia? Maybe it was someone else's fault. He sure would like to be able to pin it on somebody else.

The door opened again, but this time, not slowly. The door vaulted open like it was on a spring and Tony felt the air hit him full force against his open and fresh wounds.

He was met with not only a puffy-eyed Pepper, but as well, a determined Captain America.

Tony's first instinct was to smile, but it came out as a frown instead and he lowered one eyebrow.

"You better have a good reason for all this." Steve murmured, idly inspecting his wounds and injuries from afar, they looked far more grievous than they actually were.

"I'm sure I can come up with one from now to whenever my release date is. I'm sounding like a prisoner more and more each day."

Pepper's half-sob half-scream made it's way out of her mouth like a hideous gargle and she wrapped her arms around his aching neck, and though he flinched, he made no move to push her away.

Her face buried into the crook of his neck, he held her. If it was one person who could make him feel guilty, it was certainly no spandex clad mutant adorning the red white and blues.

His heart sank and bit his next witty remark back, and that's when Cap knew he had him.

He folded his arms across his wrinkled sweatshirt, and Tony just had to stop and ask himself if it was possible for a sweatshirt to even get wrinkled.

"Tony...you don't know what it's like to sit and scream at a computer for six hours straight."

Tony gave him a _'look'. _

Steve bit his lip, "Maybe you do, but that's not the point, Stark." His tone became firm again and his eyes lost the gloss that had been glazed on them, his words were no longer sugar coated. "Where the hell did you even go off to? We worried fucking sick."

"Woah, woah, vocab. Choice words."

"Knock that off. Listen to me for once, if I have to curse every other word, if _that's _what it takes to get you to actually _listen, _I'll do it. Tony..._Anthony_...Thor and Banner checked the tower _four times _while I screamed at your little...what'd you call it? AE?"

"AI. Artificial Intelligence.." Tony thought about ending his sentence with something smart like, _'I've thought about giving you a similar nickname myself, AS, Artificial Strength.' _Or something along those lines, but decided against it and swallowed his pride.

"Right. I asked Jarvis a total of twenty-three times to _'Locate Anthony Stark. Locate Anthony Stark. Locate Anthony DAMN Stark._

I almost heard him crying himself, he just kept looking, searching, pulling up crash reports to see if your description matched any of the reports. And finally he said, '_Mr. Rogers, I'm looking. I am. I think I have a tab on his current vehicle however, something is overriding my connection.' _And do you know what he finally found out was the cause? Your damn AD/CC music!"

"_AC/DC..." _

"Whatever it is! Damn it, you're not getting it. You'll probably never get it. Where did you go? Why were you half way across New York? Why did you crash? Answer me, Stark!"

Tony didn't answer, he squeezed his hand on Pepper's shoulder harder and she gathered herself together, wiping her eyes to breath shakily beside him.

"All this and you can't even give me an answer.."

"I don't have one, _Steve_."

"You know what the media's saying don't you? Of course not, here. Have one." He threw a magazine onto his lap as softly as possible, his eyes laced with concern when he remembered the hidden wounds beneath the blankets.

Tony didn't even flinch, he simply picked the magazine up. It was crumpled slightly from Steve using it as a stress ball but it was readable.

_'Stark Industries CEO Running Out Of Time, Or Running Himself Into The Ground?' _

Tony quirked an eyebrow before opening the magazine and flipping to the main article, after scanning it over briefly he was met with the one sentence that explained it all.

_'Our best sources, a highly praised doctor (whose chosen to remain anonymous) and an equally praised scientist (who also is choosing to remain anonymous) have both proven through a few scenarios that it is very likely, and almost impossible to dispute, the possibility that Anthony Stark, Stark Industries CEO, could have, at the time of the crash, may have been heavily influenced with multiple, potentially dangerous drugs...' _

He shut the magazine, and when he looked back up, Steve was gone and Pepper was sitting beside him, looking at him quietly, almost pleading him to deny the article.

"Pepper, you know me. I'd never.."

She nodded, "I just needed to hear you say it."

"Where's everyone else?"

"Fighting with the doctors and each other about your release date, or the cops about how much damage you're responsible for. They're really just trying to put everything off until tomorrow for you..They sent Steve and I to check on you. We're all so worried."

Tony looked away momentarily, the pity irked him. Almost disturbed him. He wanted to get up and parade around, show off how fine he was. But he knew that would be impossible so long as all his strength was lost to a hug.

"How long have I been in here?"

"Since yesterday afternoon. It took us until last night to figure out what hospital you were in though..they couldn't call us until later...Tony, I should really go, you need your rest, and I need to discuss the damages you're responsible for and-"

"Charges have been dropped.."

"How'd you.."

"The doctor."

Pepper was silent, but moved to the doorway, opening the door slowly, "I love you, Tony."

"I love you, Pepper. And...I'm so sorry.."

She looked into his eyes and turned away, "Don't ever do this to me again."

She flicked the lights off and the door closed softly, and all that was left was the soft light illuminating off the screen as a black and white movie played. He knew the name of it. The Seventh Seal.


	3. Safe

**3**

* * *

He was on top of the world, time was nothing but a figment of imagination. Street lights turned on, the sunset was melting into the horizon. Everything was in fast forward. Buildings illuminated against the star speckled sky, signs flickered on, within the heart of the city, his own building stood proud a little ways in the distance, the _'A' _in _'Avengers Tower' _shone brighter than any other building.

His hospital gown flew behind him like a cape in the breeze, his red rimmed eyes traced the skyline, and the steady thudding in his head grew into a steady rhythm. His heart beat intermingled with it and they became one, he could almost feel the thudding in feet as it grew into his entire body until every part of him was thudding in unison.

Double vision met his adrenaline peak as he stood on the edge of the building. His toes tingled despite his brain telling him to jump backwards.

Suddenly his eyes closed and there were hands on his shoulders, pushing him off, pushing him back onto the concrete.

His opened again and he was met with the ceiling fan in his hospital room.

"What just-..Wasn't I-...?" he whispered to himself, he sat straight up, checking his surroundings.

The door opened and his nurse flicked the light on, "I'm glad to see you're bright and early..oh, Mr. Stark..we're you in very much pain last night? I could possibly up your dosage on pain medication but.."

"Why?"

"Why wha-? Oh, I'm sorry, I just _assumed_ you didn't get much sleep, you're eyes are...well, they're a little blood shot, hun..._Did _you sleep well?"

He was quiet.

"I slept fine."

She smiled, "Good, I'm glad. Sorry to worry you at all. Here's some breakfast, I'll be back soon to just jot a few things down here and there. Eat up."

She left and he sat motionless.

He swallowed.

Was it all just a dream?

* * *

Tony swallowed, it was painful.

Not his shoulder, not his legs which together were a couple of gnarled twigs in his perception, but his pride when sympathy crossed even the toughest nurse's face.

He closed his eyes to fight off the urge to yell at them to just get out and let him do this by himself. This was humiliating. He was Iron Man for Gods sake.

He gripped on the bed rail with his good arm and let the other dangle uselessly by his side.

"Mr. Stark, this is ridiculouse, you shouldn't be returning home so soon. You need to be monitored, and this pain medication your doctor is prescribing? It'll never be as strong as what we were pumping through that IV. You need physical therapy and.."

"I understand your intentions are good, ma'am. But believe me, when Mr. Stark ha something in mind, there's no deterring him from it. You shouldn't feel guilty, Mr. Stark here will be off of work, duty, and social life, so don't worry. He'll be receiving some of the best health care in the nation." Fury replied with a smug expression on his face that he flashed to Tony who in turn childishly stuck his tongue out.

"I'd like to apologize on Mr. Stark's behalf of any misbehavior. He's harmless, but when not attached to his lab, can be a bit nippy."

"Nippy? Really? That's the word you choose?" Tony grumbled as he slowly sat into the wheel chair and hissed in pain when his knee popped.

The doctor attempted to push back a smirk and looked to Fury.

"Damn it." Tony cursed beneath his breath.

The nurse took the handlebars of the wheelchair and pushed him slowly, it had taken one hour exactly for Tony to get to the bathroom, get dressed in some clothing Fury had brought him after he called him repeatedly from the phone in his room and practically begged for him to bring him some clothes to be released.

He'd never allow the rest of the team to see him in this state, they didn't even know he was leaving until Fury announced it to them just before they were leaving to see him.

"I'm not staying in a wheelchair, I can walk just fine when I'm out of here."

"I'm sure you can." Fury replied as though leveling with a child.

"I can."

"I didn't say you couldn't."

"But you thought it."

The ride back was mostly silent except for the few groans Tony made beneath his breath when he thought the man beside him couldn't hear him.

The similar set up in the van to the caravan in Afghanistan caused some irrational jitters, but he pushed these away and focused on the pain blooming from his shoulder.

He looked to Fury who gave a smirk, "You mind telling me what it is got you so damn vexed you needed to travel half-way cross New York? Don't tell me those new stories going around are true. Have you seen them?"

"I've seen one."

"They're everywhere. What really happened though?"

Tony turned from him, looking at the buildings fly by in steaks of color.

"Sooner or later, it'll come out. Someone'll search too hard, or they'll have a very keen imagination. It'll be hard to dispute rumors.."

Tony stared at the back of a headrest and slowly, he felt his eyes close as the hum of the car engine rocked him like a child in its crib.

Nick turned away and shook his head, pulling out a small bottle of Advil.

Tony's hand, out of habit, reached for the arc reactor, placing his hand, palm flat, on the glowing light, he clutched the edges, tracing them with his fingers.

Safe.

No one could take it.

Safe.

* * *

_My First Author's Note And It's Important: I hope you guys don't mind that's it been a little slow. It'll definitely pick up next chapter, and orginally, this chapter extended beyond the line above. Instead of reading this, you would've been reading more fanfic. However, there's such thing as too much of a good thing. ;) Haha, well, I took half of the chapter and put it into the next one. It starts to speed up and I wanted to save that for the next chapter. _

_From now on, I'll avoid boring chapters unless they're absolutely necessary. :) Deal? _

_Meanwhile, what do you think is wrong with Tony? I'm just wondering what everyone's ideas are. _

_Thanks for reading so much you guys, reviewing is greatly appreciated and thank you to those who have. Love my fans. _

_-Grace. _


	4. The Continuous Cycle Will Stop- -For Now

**4**

* * *

_'...I had a dream my life would be worth living..so different from this hell I'm living...so different now from what it seems..'_

_Tony spectated silently, and though his heart felt heavy in his chest, it wasn't the actresses skillful singing or emotional acting, it was the empty seat beside him, and one over from that seat, sat his mother._

_She pretended to watch the play, though silently, she was wondering what had ever encouraged her marriage to him. Why did he propose to her? Why did get her pregnant knowing what sort of father and husband he would become? And most of all, why didn't she know what her life would become?_

_He fled the play. His mother noticed, but he convinced himself that she hadn't. _

_He busted through the double golden-plated door handles and was met with a black sky, a starless night. The glowing blue of the fountain created a __silhouette of a stocky figure that suddenly walked toward him. _

_"What's wrong, Tony? You not enjoying the play?" He was still standing, but the voice was familiar. _

_He suddenly knelt down and came eye to eye with him, his hand rested on his pounding chest. "Your dad's a busy man, you can't blame him." _

_Obadiah Stane. _

Tony caught his breath half-way through it escaping from his throat and he breathed in roughly.

His hand caught the arc-reactor and pulled himself from the nest of sheets he was nestled into snugly, but to no avail. He ended up squirming off the edge and onto the floor.

He bit back a scream, but ended up letting out half a howl.

He hadn't even landed on the bad shoulder.

He finally released himself from the prison he was caught in and released a sigh.

"Jarvis."

"Yes, sir?"

"Can you get Butterfingers in here."

"Would you like me to call on Mr. Rogers? Or Dr. Banner if you prefer? They're currently the only two awake."

"No, I'd rather Butterfingers dislocate my shoulder than a pity party."

* * *

Pepper had left in a flurry, she had at least three meetings to get to that day, all in different states through the country, all in order to fill in for him, and in fact, she mentioned having to have cancelled one just to take a thirty minute lunch break for herself.

The Avengers as well said their good byes, mentioning the fact they had a meeting to get to of their own that Fury wasn't requiring Stark to be at. More than likely, Tony had deducted, they were discussing him.

Almost in synch, they had fled the house at eight, at the time they'd left, he had dozed off on the couch watching the news.

Somewhere between watching the news and eight O'clock, a mysterious character had lied a blanket on top of him, stuffed a pillow behind his head, set a glass of ice water on the table and his bottle of pain killers.

His eyes opened with urgency and he found everything he needed before him, thankfully. Without questioning the conveniency of it all, he grabbed, with a shaking hand, the pill bottle but found this a bitter-sweet gesture when he couldn't even get it open. He attempted using his teeth and then pressed the bottom against his leg, and used some leverage to screw it off. He threw two back, and washed them down with the water. and checked the time.

Twelve.

He was vibrating in pain, but he knew he'd be numb soon and lounged backwards into the couch, closing his eyes against the gradient of the agony.

He felt his forehead to wipe the sweat off his brow, and soon, he found the heat coming off his skin half worrisome, but what really worried him, was the sound.

Was it just his imagination? Was it the fever?

"G-..d...Damn it!"

He attempted to stand at the voice, but the room begun to sway. He took a step, his boxers and his white tank-top were dripping with sweat and he knew he must been dehydrated.

He grabbed his StarkPhone off the coffee table and held it firmly, the cool of the glass suctioning the heat out of his skin.

"Hello?" Tony murmured, "Whose there? Tha-...you Cap'? Thor? Bar-...Barton?"

He panted and paused, he leaned against the open door jam and flinched. There wasn't any pain in his shoulder, but pain in his forearm.

He viewed it with a critical, but hazy, gaze. He looked it over a couple times before he noticed what was so obvious. Against his copy-paper white skin, he found a red bump just over a vein.

Had someone...someone had...

His breath became faster.

"Tony, you're gonna black out in a minute or two.."

The voice was familiar and the shadowy, stocky, figure was also familiar as it came into view, but the room was going into two. "I'd call someone if I were you."

He came to eye level with him, crouching down slightly. He put his hand's on his knees, but he still couldn't make the face out. His eyes watered and made a move to punch in a few numbers on his phone, but ended up speed-dialing Uncle Sam.

"Tony? Is everything okay?"

"S-S..Steve. Steve, it's not...it's not my fault. I've been...drug-..._drugged_. Someone's here with me. Broke in."

With those last choked out words, the phone dropped from his hand, and thanks to it's shatter proof frame, remained wonderfully in tact as he fell beside it and at the shoes of the figure.

He could smell the shoe polish and hear Steve screaming to him.

That's when his eyes opened, and for a second time that day, realized, he had been again, dreaming.

Or had he?

Did he dream all of that or worse...did he black out?

His breath came out in suffocated gasps and shakily, brought his hands to his face. Noticing his different surroundings (ones not familiar in the slightest to him) he realized he must've blacked out.

"I'm really getting tired of this.."

How much had he dreamt? How much had been real? When had he blacked out? Where was he?

Questions buzzed through head, faster than he could provide an answer for, and suddenly, he was overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed with anger and confusion at the simplest questions that he couldn't spout a definite answer to.

"Why is this happening to me?"

And for a third time, he felt a looming presence, against a harsh light.

"Because you deserve it."

He inspected his setting, his eyes adjusting to the immense darkness. Where was he?

"I see you've stumbled into my..er-..._humble home_, Stark. Have you...gotten used to..._caves_?"

Tony was silent but his heart beat faster at the mentioning of Afghanistan, his eyes fixated on the only tangible sight he had, a small puddle of water resting in a crevice beside his face. His breaths came out more labored and he put his fingers in it, just to make sure he wasn't dreaming. However, when he removed his fingers from it, he raised it to the small rays of light that illuminated off a dim little bulb.

It was red.

"I wont be seeing you for a while, I'm too busy to play, but...I'll make sure we keep in contact one way or another. I promise."

His vision doubled again and he felt a sharp sensation in his neck.

He froze, he panicked.

"Make it stop..." He whispered, "Make it stop...Whoever you are, just kill me!"

The man knelt down, 'Where the fuck would the fun be in that, Anthony?"

His eyes ripped open and he was back on the couch, his hands shaking, but he was sitting up this time. He looked down at his fingers.

They were stained red.

* * *

Saw Iron Man 3 today. I won't ruin it for those who haven't, but it's a must see! A wonderful addition to the Marvel Movie Family and worth quite a few awards.

Anyhow, I told you this chapter would set things in motion, and I think it did. As you can see, Tony's beginning to doubt his own sanity, and that's where things get good.

Some past is coming into play, and I'm really setting the foundation here for the rest of the story, so hold on, stick around, we'll be advancing next chapter into some more story rather than this continuous cycle of black outs and panic attacks. You'll see, if you read! :)

Next chapter:

Can't wait to see? You don't have to, next chapter'll be up not too far from now.

THANKS TO THOSE WHO REVIEWED AND RESPONDED TO MY LITTLE QUESTION! It was really interesting to see what everyone who has been reading, had to say and to be honest, I think you guys gave me a few ideas to weave into the fabric I've laid down already, so you'll all see that come into play pretty soon as well.

Thanks again and please, leave me your opinions, ideas, or anything you'd like to say in a nice a little review!

Love my fans forever,

-Grace.


	5. I'm Not Crazy

**5**

* * *

He couldn't sleep.

He pulled the covers to his chin, wrapping himself in mindless comforting words. He tossed, he turned, he slid his hands down Pepper's thin arms and cradled her to him softly like a child to it's teddy bear, but he wasn't comforted by any of this.

At two, every morning, he'd stumble to his lab, jot random ideas that had pooled into the back of his brain, and empty himself of anything he could possibly think of, waiting for that three O'clock phone call.

He'd answer the phone.

He was silent, _he _was silent.

Neither of them were entirely sure the other was there for a second, but then, both of them had to breath and both of them would laugh at the little game.

He would laugh coldly, Tony would laugh out of exhaustion and lacking anything better to say.

Eventually, however, the phone calls got to him. He was nervous, unsure of how he'd even gotten his number, this stranger. He told Jarvis to block it damn it! He was Iron Man, international badass. Who was _he_, though? What threat did _he_ possess? The more he thought about the chances he had to kill him, the more antsy he got with every phone call.

"Who are you..? What do you want?"

"I am everything, I am nothing. I am a part of you, I have nothing to do with you, I am everything you need, I am what destroys you. I am your judge. I am your executioner." _  
_

The phone clicked defiantly, and obviously no more information was going to be given.

* * *

Tony threw forward another punch, his anger releasing into the punching bag that always seemed to retaliate, always seemed to be never satisfied with the last punch.

"What do you _want_...?" He murmured into nothingness.

He punched with the other arm, felt the searing pain coarse through his body and travel through each individual nerve. That was his last punch.

He cringed and fell to his knees, letting out a final breath.

He was unsatisfied, but he new he'd met his limit an hour ago. He unwrapped the blotted red tape and stared at the two fingers that had not but a half a month ago, been stained red.

"You reach your limit, old man?" Barton remarked sarcastically, standing over him with a witty humor in his eyes.

Tony smirked back at him and shrugged, "Just remember that you got your ass kicked by a girl when you were in full rage mode."

Barton frowned, put-off now, he folded his arms across his chest. "Well, anyway, what's your suggestion for lunch?"

"Can't go with you guys today, I'm going with Pepper to Valentino's."

"Oh, Pizza?"

"Yeah, I think I'm in the mood for pizza. Haven't had it in a while."

"Valentino's pretty good, right?"

"Yeah, yeah. The more cockroaches the better the food is, I say."

Barton smirked and glanced absent-mindedly at Tony's shoulder as he rotated it softly.

"Hows it feeling? Better?"

"Yeah…it's…it's getting there." he murmured, and for once, Barton caught a glimpse of Tony's ego dropping even if just a split second, as if, theoretically, the mask that the suit hid came off. But he bounced back, "I could still pull it back far enough to beat you in a game of darts."

"Bullshit."

"Face it." Tony stated plainly as he hoisted himself up and stretched, "Is everyone else done?"

"Just about."

"I'm hitting the showers."

Clint nodded, not questioning Tony's quirks anymore. It was well known Tony's wouldn't go behind the closed door of the shower when anyone else was in the room.

The truth Tony would never tell was that he always had this scene playing in his mind of someone bursting in, pulling back the glass door or shattering it and dragging him down into the depths of a cave somewhere in the desert. That would be after they knocked him out and pumped so badass tranquilizer into his system of course.

Tony quickly made his way into the shower, the heat relaxing the tense muscles and the tension headache that had been coming on. He leaned against the tile and gave a sigh. For that second, he could breath.

"I am everything..I am nothing." The voice whispered and he turned.

His heart in his throat and his eyes closed, but they shot open and he saw a shadow blocking his view, but then as soon as it came, it dissipated into the mist of the shower.

He backed away, against the other side of the shower, his arms spread across the walls, he swallowed and sunk into himself.

He fell to the floor with his back still against the wall.

"C'mon Tony. C'mon.." he murmured, hitting himself in the face a couple times with a quick and half-painless slap. "Get it together.."

* * *

The pizza place was as busy as usual, with the usual come and go of both livid and angry customers though the scenery blended all into one for Tony who was swallowing the small bites he chewed off his slice of black olives, banana peppers and cheese pizza.

"Mister...Mister Stark? Is that you...?"

Tony looked up quietly and hesitantly swallowed back the fear in his gut. It was an eleven or twelve year old boy with a soft smile on his face and striped polo, he put his hand behind his head.

"Yeah, please don't tell me some crazy shit, kid. What is it? Am I your long lost father? Or your brother from another mother?"

The kid smiled and shook his head, "No!" his voice cracked and he blushed slightly, clearing his throat, he started again, "I just...I have a question..."

Tony stared blankly at him as the kid leaned in closer to him, coming up to his ear, "Have you gotten used to caves?"

Tony's mind went blank. His brain was trying to suppress the single thing sending his heart into cardiac arrest, he swallowed, feeling the beating rising up his throat and into his head.

His ears went deaf and all he could hear was white noise like the television when he was a kid. His parents would fight into the early morning hours and every channel would be snow by the time he'd be trying to get some sleep.

But he couldn't sleep.

It was impossible.

"Who told you to say that?"

The kid's eyes widened and he took a step back, putting his hands up in defense. "I...I just..."

Pepper looked at the child, "I'm sorry, Mr. Stark's not feeling well today, he's just a little…tired. I'm sure he just...heard you wrong."

The kid backed away, "My Mom was right, you _are _a crazy weirdo."

He left in a flurry of blonde hair and freckles and Tony brought his head into his hands, "I'm not crazy…I could've sworn he said-.."

"What?" Pepper asked quietly, she brought his head into one of her own hands and turned his worn face to hers. "Tony, you're not okay, are you?"

He swallowed again, and took a shaky sigh, blinked one eye and looked at her, jaw shaking.

He was a mess.

"No."

"Are you going to tell me what is wrong with you?"

"I…"

He thought about it and then looked at her with remorse before he finally shook his head _'no__'_.

"Then I at least want you to go home, and get some damn sleep." She murmured sharply as she slid some bills onto the table, with a large enough tip to keep any workers from saying too much about the little scene Tony had caused.

Everyone was whispering around them, _'What happened?' 'Did you see anything?' 'I don't understand what just happened..?' _

He nodded a little and she put a hand on his back, helping to lead him out the backdoor and into her car.

* * *

Tony was lying there, like he promised, but it was like when he was kid. He couldn't shut his eyes, he couldn't. What if he woke up somewhere else? What if that guy called while he was asleep?

His torturer seemed like a fitting name for him.

He could hear them down the hall in the living room.

Pepper was worried, maybe in tears, the others were attending the small conference as he knew they would. He grit his teeth, and gripped the covers.

"I just don't know what to do.." Pepper said quietly, hopping Tony was either asleep or he couldn't hear her. "What's wrong with him?"

"I think it might…It might be a good idea if we got Tony some _professional _help."

Tony all but screamed, "Well _fuck _you, Banner!"

Bruce was just trying to help, but Tony would condemn him for that until the day they realized this wasn't insanity! This was reality playing games with him!

Or…was it?

Someone knocked at the door and Tony stared at the ceiling, there was something in his eye.

Had he finally lost it?

"Should you do this alone?" Steve asked outside the door.

"No, I think he'd take it more serious if everybody was there to back me up, he might take it for one of my exaggerations if no one else provides consensus."

A second knock.

"Tony? Tony…" She was silent for a second, "Tony, I know you're awake. Can I come in?"

He provided her with silence and she opened the door, a flood of light intruded the room, and she turned on the light. There was Tony, as she knew he'd be, staring at the ceiling with his arms stretched out in what looked like defeat.

"Tony, we need to talk to you about something serious."

Tony knew what was coming, he obviously did. And maybe he needed what they'd offer..

Pepper sat on the edge of the bed, putting a hand on his shoulder carefully, she noted the dark rings beneath his eyes and swallowed down further grief.

"Listen, we all think that maybe you're just going through some bout of depression and if…if it's so serious you're trying to commit suicide…"

His eyes flashed pain and he turned to look at her, and for just those few minutes, he lost everything he worked on creating. A wall and a shell, his armor and his fake smile with his bad-boy reputation. It crumbled in just a few mere second.

"You think I wanted to kill myself that day when I crashed?"

Pepper bat back tears.

"I'd never…I mean- Pep, why would I ever…?"

"Tony, you won't talk to me about any of this, and I'm just so worried.."

"Yeah, but suicide?"

"You don't do anything to discourage the idea exactly! Whatever's going on, I'm noticing it and we have professional help at our fingertips, some of the best psychiatrists are out there, wanting to cure people and why not just give it a shot..?"

Tears were coming forward and he took a shaky breath, shaking his head, "I'm not…I'm not _crazy.._I'll sound crazy, but I'm not! There's someone trying to kill me! They're…I don't know _how _but they're controlling me and-…and-…"

He surveyed the faces.

Steve looked the most miserable next to Banner, but Steve walked over, slowly and carefully, he knelt beside the bed that Tony was sitting up on, wanting to hop off. But Steve prevented that, and pushed a gentle hand on him to lie back, "Tony, I've seen what stress can do to a person, believe me…and I just think that-"

"I'm not stressed. You think I'm making this up? I'm _hallucinating_? You think I'm a crazy alcoholic!"

_'Tony, go get your father another drink God damn it!_'

_'Yes, Daddy!' _

"I'm not crazy!"

"No, no, no! Tony, you're not crazy. You're sick. You're very sick." Steve said slowly, "That means you can get better."

"You won't have to go anywhere, you can stay here and they'll talk to you here. If _they _think there need be further action, we can handle it from there, honey." Pepper attempted to soothe him even though internally, she was breaking.

Tony swallowed, his body shaking, and his breath quickly. He looked around quietly and swallowed, "He called me! He calls me every night! He calls me and laughs and-"

Tony sobbed.

It would mark the first time they'd ever seen their team mate lose it. It would mark the first time, they'd ever feel like breaking down themselves if it meant Tony would get better. It would mark the first time, they finally felt an emotional connection to him, like they were all family.

Pepper reached out to him, grabbing him quickly in a tight embrace.

"I want to get better, Pepper! Honestly. I can't tell if I'm dreaming or I'm awake anymore! Is any of this real? Are you real?"

"I'm real, Tony. All of this is very, very real."


	6. Encephalitis, Right?

**6**

* * *

Tony sat there, silent but conscious. He was staring at the man, his chiseled face and thinning hair, his thin, wide mouth going into a curvy little smirk as he wrote something down.

It made him sick to think _this _guy was really going to dig deep into his memories and translate them into meaningful lessons and themes for him, as if he were some kind of bible expert.

He had one bony ankle balanced on one bony knee, and he began, "So what makes you think you're crazy, Mr. Stark?"

Tony peeked one of his eyes half-way open and gave him a smirk that matched his.

"Oh, yeah, I can tell this relationship is off to a great start."

"But you're still cooperating. _To an extent_. You _must _believe there's _something _wrong with you."

"Aren't I just supposed lay down and say whatever comes to mind? And, if we're going this way, you're supposed run your mouth every so often with the question; '_How does that make you feel?'_ and then I say some random emotion. You write it down, and we start again." Tony thought over this for a second and laughed a little to himself, "Am I the psychiatrist here?"

"No, you're the one who's eligible for the NY Sanitarium."

"You're really _not _the happiest therapist I've ever met, you're actually a big ball of supportive sunshine to be honest with you here, Doc."

"Fine, then. Go ahead, spill out what comes to mind, like you said you're supposed to. I'm not the only one_ not_ doing my job."

"Fine, maybe I will. With myself. See, I think the problem here, is you. And I think, that this session is over."

He clicked his pen into itself.

"Has it ever occurred to you, Mr. Stark, that you might be hallucinating_ all_ of this conversation? Maybe you've been…talking to _yourself_ for the past five minutes."

"No. That's not the way I've been hearing it, actually."

"But what witness do _you _have that you aren't crazy and making all this up? Hm? _I'm_ the psychiatrist, _you're_ just the crazy patient. Who'd believe you, honestly?"

Tony's eyebrows skid the top of his eyelashes and he looked over to him sharply, digging his nails into the chair he'd been lounging in peacefully. "Are you _black mailing _me, Dr. Kennedy? I'm beginning to get the feeling that you are. Ya' know with all this talk of…who'd believe me and all."

"Oh, no, I'm _definitely_ black mailing you to an extent. See, Mr. Stark.." The lanky doctor stood, moving his hand across the back of the sofa, "I'm very careful, I'm very thorough."

"So am I, Jarvis has been recording this session since you walked through the door."

"And unfortunately, Jarvis is not with us at the moment, though, I do enjoy his company for a debate or two."

Tony looked cocky, then appalled within a manner of two seconds. He looked up at the ceiling, "Jarvis?…" No answer. "Jarvis, answer me."

No answer.

"If we could stop playing games? Yeah, that'd be nice of you. Look, Mr. Stark, you can choose to either believe me, or not. But the truth is this simple: I can help you. I can stop the blackouts, the hallucinations, the uncertainty of _your _sanity."

There was quiet tension, but the devious man knew he had him in his grip.

"..How much is it gonna cost me?" Tony asked with a grave voice now, he looked up from his twiddling thumbs and watched his eyes dance across from him as he fished and hooked.

"Simply your…co-operation." He stood and smiled down at him with a wink.

Putting his hands on his hips, he nodded his head to the side and thought over the payment closer, "The agreement that you will one day, answer my call and will do whatever it is I say at that moment in time."

"Or?"

"It'll get much, _much _worse, Mr. Stark. I'm afraid at the end, you'll be just a _shell _of what you once were. With my proposal, you'll be cured in the eyes of _everyone. _Don't worry how, I'll ensure everyone knows you're just fine. Nothing mentally amiss here, I'll tell the world. With my proposal, Mr. Stark, you'll regain your dignity and your status."

"Until you call me.."

"Which risk is harder for you to stomach, Mr. Stark?"

Tony looked at him with a mirrored smile, and Tony knew he was defeated.

* * *

"Miss Potts, you really shouldn't be worrying yourself so much. We've done the brain scans, and yes, Mr. Stark _does _have encephalitis. But, not to worry. It's easily curable. His condition as of now is stable and getting better. Do to his compromised immune system, which is in turn due to the uh-…What is it he calls it?"

"The arc reactor?"

"Yes, that's it. The arc reactor severely weakens his immune system due to the fact that it does much of the work for him that his body or immune system would atypically do. Because of this, it's easy to see how malaria could get past his immune system. It's a non symptomatic parasite as it is. This in turn, caused the encephalitis. It's not unheard of for this occur because of the malaria. We treat the malaria, we treat the encephalitis. He'll be going home shortly. The only thing I'd be worried about, is thanking his psychiatrist. It was a very smart catch. He saved his life."

The doctor gave her one last look and Pepper was breath-taken by the irony of it all. Wouldn't it be the one thing that keeps him alive, that would kill him?

"Thank you, doctor. Thank you, very much." Steve interjected for her, followed by the others and Pepper was relieved to at least have some support.

The weight of the world was beginning to hold her down, and who else could help you lift it if you didn't have Captain America? Or the Hulk? How about two SHIELD agents or a Germanic Pagan God?

Pepper was wiping a stray tear just as Steve put a hand on the opposite shoulder that Bruce put his hand, "His room number is 4-644."

She slipped from beneath their hands and into the elevator, holding the door open with one hand as she looked at them expectantly.

* * *

"What's really wrong with me?"

Dr. Garfield Kennedy was in control, and he knew it. He smiled a little from his position in a wooden chair. "And why would I tell _you _that?"

"Because I asked you and there's not a reason to keep it from me."

"Actually, there is. But I'll tell you this, without this little bottle here with the fake prescription label, you'd be advancing in your illness. This will stop it, it'll pause it, but it won't eradicate it. This isn't the full cure."

He shook the bottle and stood, placing it in the palm of his open hand, "This is just the candy to make sure you follow along. You take one of these everyday for two weeks, and you'll be cured for three months. Before the three month mark, I'll be calling. I'll give you more as long as you just…follow along."

"How long is this supposed to go on for?"

"As long as my boss says it has to."

"So _you're _not the boss?"

"No, actually."

"Could've fooled me with the cocky attitude and the big game talk. Truth is, you're just a pawn like me, huh? Interesting. You must be compensating for other things that are small."

He pounded a fist on the table, "You listen to _me_, you little arrogant fuck. You don't do what _I _say, and you _die_. How's that for big game talk?"

He slowly reproached and stood over Tony's blank expression, backing away once again, into his corner. Just as he was sitting, the doctor came in and Kennedy looked up at him.

"You gave him the pill bottle?"

"Yes."

"What does it say on the label? One once a day for two weeks."

"Good." The doctor murmured, looking at Tony, "You had _encephalitis, _correct?"

"As far as I know."

The doctor smiled, "Good boy."


End file.
